THOUGHTFUL RAMBLING No. 1
"Humility, Thy Name Is Blue Dot"
First of all, thank you all for coming this morning. I've called this brief press conference to officially announce my retirement from non-competitive D-League neighborhood softball. After going 0-17 over the past two seasons and getting run-ruled all but two games this season (I'd like to thank "Midlife Crisis" for forfeiting Game 1 and "Juggs" for playing with 8 players and a 12-year old girl in Game 6), I've decided it's time to hang up my spikes. I've truly enjoyed my 15-year career of Ad League, Church League and D-League softball, but after lengthy discussions with my wife, my family and my agent, I think now is the perfect time to say goodbye.
Now if there are any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer them.
Frank Deford, Sports Illustrated. Mr. Tuggle, is there any truth to the rumor injuries played a role in your retirement?
Not at all. I will say this season has been a little tougher on me than normal. I did turn 40 during the season and Monday mornings did bring their share of aches and pains. When the team of Middle Eastern guys we played in Week 4 did a Louisville Slugger jihad on my left calf, I'll admit I was hobbled for a couple of days. The guys in the outfield said when the ball hit my leg they thought they heard bone. It left a pretty nasty bruise, but my 9-year-old thought it was pretty cool-looking. Even when I got tagged on the right knee two weeks later, I never went on injured reserve and in both instances, I still threw the guy out at first. I'm pretty proud of that.
Jim Nantz, CBS Sports. Now that you're retiring, is it true you plan to focus more attention on your golf?
Yes, that's true.
For clarification, does that mean you're going to play more golf or simply nap through more of the PGA laid out on your sofa on Sunday afternoons?
Yes.
Mr. Tuggle, Dick Enberg, NBC Sports. One final question, when you look back over your career, what's the one memory you'll remember more than any other?
Dick, I've had the pleasure to play with some incredible teams and some truly great teammates over the years. I will miss pulling my groin on a near weekly basis. I will miss getting my ass handed to me by a bunch of arrogant, roided out high school kids on summer break from the baseball team who thought it was fun to taunt my teammates and me but who, thanks to all that is just and holy in the world, will still be working the drivethrough 5 years from now. I'll miss dropping the perfect strike right over the back of the plate with a 3-2 count and the bases loaded. I'll miss catching the occasional linedrive drilled right at me with my head turned the other way. I'll miss snagging a hard hit grounder, looking back the runner at third and nailing the guy running to first by two steps. Mostly, I'll miss bringing my son to the games and listening to him pepper my teammates with encouragement like "Show 'em what you're made of," "Take it to 'em" and "Give 'em the heater!" when we're down 27-3.
Good luck next season boys! Hit 'em where they ain't! I'll be in the stands cheering you on. Or at very least, at home on the sofa dreaming of a decisive victory!
"Humility, Thy Name Is Blue Dot"
First of all, thank you all for coming this morning. I've called this brief press conference to officially announce my retirement from non-competitive D-League neighborhood softball. After going 0-17 over the past two seasons and getting run-ruled all but two games this season (I'd like to thank "Midlife Crisis" for forfeiting Game 1 and "Juggs" for playing with 8 players and a 12-year old girl in Game 6), I've decided it's time to hang up my spikes. I've truly enjoyed my 15-year career of Ad League, Church League and D-League softball, but after lengthy discussions with my wife, my family and my agent, I think now is the perfect time to say goodbye.
Now if there are any questions, I'll be more than happy to answer them.
Frank Deford, Sports Illustrated. Mr. Tuggle, is there any truth to the rumor injuries played a role in your retirement?
Not at all. I will say this season has been a little tougher on me than normal. I did turn 40 during the season and Monday mornings did bring their share of aches and pains. When the team of Middle Eastern guys we played in Week 4 did a Louisville Slugger jihad on my left calf, I'll admit I was hobbled for a couple of days. The guys in the outfield said when the ball hit my leg they thought they heard bone. It left a pretty nasty bruise, but my 9-year-old thought it was pretty cool-looking. Even when I got tagged on the right knee two weeks later, I never went on injured reserve and in both instances, I still threw the guy out at first. I'm pretty proud of that.
Jim Nantz, CBS Sports. Now that you're retiring, is it true you plan to focus more attention on your golf?
Yes, that's true.
For clarification, does that mean you're going to play more golf or simply nap through more of the PGA laid out on your sofa on Sunday afternoons?
Yes.
Mr. Tuggle, Dick Enberg, NBC Sports. One final question, when you look back over your career, what's the one memory you'll remember more than any other?
Dick, I've had the pleasure to play with some incredible teams and some truly great teammates over the years. I will miss pulling my groin on a near weekly basis. I will miss getting my ass handed to me by a bunch of arrogant, roided out high school kids on summer break from the baseball team who thought it was fun to taunt my teammates and me but who, thanks to all that is just and holy in the world, will still be working the drivethrough 5 years from now. I'll miss dropping the perfect strike right over the back of the plate with a 3-2 count and the bases loaded. I'll miss catching the occasional linedrive drilled right at me with my head turned the other way. I'll miss snagging a hard hit grounder, looking back the runner at third and nailing the guy running to first by two steps. Mostly, I'll miss bringing my son to the games and listening to him pepper my teammates with encouragement like "Show 'em what you're made of," "Take it to 'em" and "Give 'em the heater!" when we're down 27-3.
Good luck next season boys! Hit 'em where they ain't! I'll be in the stands cheering you on. Or at very least, at home on the sofa dreaming of a decisive victory!
posted by Michael Tuggle at 10:47 AM
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