THOUGHTFUL RAMBLING No. 13
“I’m Not Fat. I’m Supporting The Girl Scouts.”
Hello. My name is Michael and I’m addicted to Girl Scout Cookies.
It’s been 6 days since my last Thin Mint. For a number of years now, I thought I had my addiction under control. But six days ago, amid four empty sleeves and a half gallon of milk, I realized that was simply not the case. I have a problem.
The thing is, it’s not really my fault. I’m simply trying to help a national institution stay in business. For 96 years, the Girl Scouts of America has been a wonderful influence on young girls across America and without my help, that could all be in jeopardy. I don't know why I feel such an obsessive compulsion to help. Maybe it’s the fact that the Girl Scouts was founded in Savannah. Maybe it’s the fact that Camp Juliette Low, named for its founder, can be found in Cloudland, Georgia a mere hour and a half from my childhood home. Then again, it could just be that I have no willpower and the Girl Scouts make damn good cookies.
Sure, I could feel badly about downing boxes at a time, but what good would that do? Who among us hasn’t knocked out a sleeve of Samoas during an episode of our favorite show? And while we're on that subject, why do Girl Scout Cookies taste best during “The Biggest Loser?" There's a cruel irony in that.
Make no mistake. I know Girl Scout Cookies aren't really "good for me." But there's a reason the Girl Scouts don't make "Broccoli Delights!" Girl Scout Cookies aren't supposed to be good for you. They're just supposed to taste good. Take Do-Si-Dos. Crisp n' crunchy oatmeal cookies with creamy peanut butter filling. Great right out of the package, or frozen right out of the freezer, Do-Si-Dos are pretty much a carbohydrate hoe-down. Can’t you just hear the caller - “Do-Si-Do and take bite! Grab a hand of cellulite! Don’t feel bad, it’s just your gut. It's still much smaller than your butt!”
Which brings us to Tagalongs, the chocolate covered peanut butter patty cookies named for their tendency to tag along on your ass after you’ve eaten three or four boxes of them and really, can you eat just one? Box, I mean.
The aforementioned Samoas - tender vanilla cookies, covered with caramel on top and bottom, and then rolled in toasted coconut, and striped with a rich chocolaty coating - are pretty self-explanatory. Eat a box. Look like a Samoan.
That brings us to the two classics – Trefoils and Thin Mints. Trefoils are the delicate tasting shortbread cookies that fit so nicely in your hand in multiples of, say, 6 to 8. They’re perfect with tea or coffee, but let’s be honest. Is there a better Girl Scout cookie straight out of the box than a Trefoil? They’ve even got little pictures of Girl Scouts on them. They’re damn near perfect. But only one can be that, and that distinction is reserved for the end all, be all of human existence -- the Thin Mint.
You can’t stop Thin Mint cookies. You can't contain them either so don't even try. Mouth-watering thin chocolate wafers covered with a smooth chocolaty coating made with the perfect hint of natural peppermint. With approximately 40 cookies per box, they provide an unbelievable amount of flexibility should you want to serve them with milk, crushed up on ice cream, or right out of the freezer. And at just a quarter ounce per cookie, you can knock out an entire box without even breathing hard.
Now, I know what some of you are saying – the Girl Scouts have a Sugar-Free cookie. What about that? Well, I view Sugar-Free Girl Scout Cookies pretty much the way I view male nipples and Calculus. I know they’re of great use to somebody, but personally, I don't see the point.
But hey, don't worry about me. I’ve already eaten the 27 boxes we bought to support the daughters of friends in our Sunday School, the daughters of my coworkers, the four little scouts who so nicely accosted me walking into Kroger two weeks ago and hit me up with the big brown eye thing until I caved and bought 7 more boxes. I even bought two boxes from a woman I met on a flight last week. Hey, her grand-daughter was still 173 boxes away from her patch.
Just doing my part to help America, people.
“I’m Not Fat. I’m Supporting The Girl Scouts.”
Hello. My name is Michael and I’m addicted to Girl Scout Cookies.
It’s been 6 days since my last Thin Mint. For a number of years now, I thought I had my addiction under control. But six days ago, amid four empty sleeves and a half gallon of milk, I realized that was simply not the case. I have a problem.
The thing is, it’s not really my fault. I’m simply trying to help a national institution stay in business. For 96 years, the Girl Scouts of America has been a wonderful influence on young girls across America and without my help, that could all be in jeopardy. I don't know why I feel such an obsessive compulsion to help. Maybe it’s the fact that the Girl Scouts was founded in Savannah. Maybe it’s the fact that Camp Juliette Low, named for its founder, can be found in Cloudland, Georgia a mere hour and a half from my childhood home. Then again, it could just be that I have no willpower and the Girl Scouts make damn good cookies.
Sure, I could feel badly about downing boxes at a time, but what good would that do? Who among us hasn’t knocked out a sleeve of Samoas during an episode of our favorite show? And while we're on that subject, why do Girl Scout Cookies taste best during “The Biggest Loser?" There's a cruel irony in that.
Make no mistake. I know Girl Scout Cookies aren't really "good for me." But there's a reason the Girl Scouts don't make "Broccoli Delights!" Girl Scout Cookies aren't supposed to be good for you. They're just supposed to taste good. Take Do-Si-Dos. Crisp n' crunchy oatmeal cookies with creamy peanut butter filling. Great right out of the package, or frozen right out of the freezer, Do-Si-Dos are pretty much a carbohydrate hoe-down. Can’t you just hear the caller - “Do-Si-Do and take bite! Grab a hand of cellulite! Don’t feel bad, it’s just your gut. It's still much smaller than your butt!”
Which brings us to Tagalongs, the chocolate covered peanut butter patty cookies named for their tendency to tag along on your ass after you’ve eaten three or four boxes of them and really, can you eat just one? Box, I mean.
The aforementioned Samoas - tender vanilla cookies, covered with caramel on top and bottom, and then rolled in toasted coconut, and striped with a rich chocolaty coating - are pretty self-explanatory. Eat a box. Look like a Samoan.
That brings us to the two classics – Trefoils and Thin Mints. Trefoils are the delicate tasting shortbread cookies that fit so nicely in your hand in multiples of, say, 6 to 8. They’re perfect with tea or coffee, but let’s be honest. Is there a better Girl Scout cookie straight out of the box than a Trefoil? They’ve even got little pictures of Girl Scouts on them. They’re damn near perfect. But only one can be that, and that distinction is reserved for the end all, be all of human existence -- the Thin Mint.
You can’t stop Thin Mint cookies. You can't contain them either so don't even try. Mouth-watering thin chocolate wafers covered with a smooth chocolaty coating made with the perfect hint of natural peppermint. With approximately 40 cookies per box, they provide an unbelievable amount of flexibility should you want to serve them with milk, crushed up on ice cream, or right out of the freezer. And at just a quarter ounce per cookie, you can knock out an entire box without even breathing hard.
Now, I know what some of you are saying – the Girl Scouts have a Sugar-Free cookie. What about that? Well, I view Sugar-Free Girl Scout Cookies pretty much the way I view male nipples and Calculus. I know they’re of great use to somebody, but personally, I don't see the point.
But hey, don't worry about me. I’ve already eaten the 27 boxes we bought to support the daughters of friends in our Sunday School, the daughters of my coworkers, the four little scouts who so nicely accosted me walking into Kroger two weeks ago and hit me up with the big brown eye thing until I caved and bought 7 more boxes. I even bought two boxes from a woman I met on a flight last week. Hey, her grand-daughter was still 173 boxes away from her patch.
Just doing my part to help America, people.
posted by Michael Tuggle at 12:17 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home